if its up to me, id make it stop.

i think horribly violent things about myself.

desperately need validation but when i get it, i choose to ignore it. why? bcause im convinced that its impossible for someone to actually, trully love my broken soul. 

sometimes i hate myself so much than i think.

im beyond help.

and so again, i leave before u leave, i hurt you before you hurt me.

oh, i hurt myself before you hurt me.

thats how i stay in control of the pain.

i dont notice my mistakes straight away.

other times, i can really see im upset about something minor but i still cant stop from letting the emotions take over.

my brain was controlled by someone else.

afterwards, the shame is the hardest part to process. 

i know ive hurt someone and absolutely hate that.

there are a few things id like you to remember when im going throgh an chapter; 

iam doing what i can to manage myself, but this is not the time for rasional discussion.

i need to cooldown period before i can speak about what happened.

i need to be acknowladged and not disnissed.

i want someone to listen, because my feelings are valid.

you can help me arrive at the conclusion that im being extreme.

just tell me ur not my enemy.

how can you not be afraid of me when iam afraid of myself?

i know it can be difficult to be around me and i understand that you might want to leave, but i need you to remember that i dindnt chose this.

no one in their right minds would put themselves and others through suck tumoil on purpose.

if it was up to me, id make it stop